Monday, November 30, 2009

Create & Upgrade

Some time ago, parents decided which person will marry their sons and daughters, then Love appeared. After it, a son or daughter decided who will marry them; things got bad and then Divorce appeared; then friends appeared and after it, Infidelity was born... At the end, it was not about Love, but Interest.

Love is super-estimated. There is no such a thing as Unconditional Love. People give to it too much value than it actually has, because it is the feeling most similar to the one that really matters. Love is an usurper, an appropiator.

The most important feeling is the one that moves you to upgrade and improve your actual situation and limits. The famous Love is an obstacle, an hindrance that tries to make you stay like and where you are; but the real feeling what I am talking about makes you think how to improve everything in your life.

Create and Upgrade are the best feelings out there. The others are branches that sprout from them. But sincerely, everthing has a coherent refutation. Because women REALLY love to create children and upgrade their education, even if they are not the best teachers, they really want to.

Some examples of things in my life that I always keep trying and thinking how to Create and Update are knowledge, job opportunities related to my abilities and likes, independent life, and this list will never end. There is always something new to learn...

About little improvements

Have you ever tried to make little improvements to any kind of thing you normally create? Have you tried to do visual improvements to it? For example: using smaller or bigger letters smaller, or using narrower or wider spaces between letters, words or lines, or making colors a little brighter or darker, and so forth.

It is very meticulous to make these very little variations of these modifications. Sometimes to do them feels like a very silly job.

Working on solutions of problems could be like using catapults, because you need to make one or two experimental shots before being able to calculate correct landing of stones.

Thomas Alva Edison said that "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.". So, to really improve something, a certain amount of work is needed, including those silly modifications.

Talk #6: Get a Stone and Cold Heart

- She is not the type of woman that will make you feel proud of her. She looks like a whore.
- What about my ex?
- She is, but she does not decide like she should. Maybe you were not enough for her.
- Why didn't I see it this morning, after my REM-Sleep neural reassignment? What I sought was total garbage of feelings until a friend of mine showed his passion because he will his girl today.
- Stop it! Think about Stone and Cold Heart, man!

Talk #5: Revelation of having a weak heart

- All these texts should help me to improve my abilities related to my economy, not on my sentimental part. For example, they should help me to improve my abilities of Design-Code-Test and Maintain-Extend-Reuse
- You big and nasty bastard!! I help in your "sentimental part" because your heart is very weak and soft. Remember Chandra Suresh: "Stone And Cold Heart". There is no success without sacrifice. Then, the question is: What kind of success do you want to achieve, and what kind of Sacrifice, Suffering and Sadness are you willing to stand for it

Broken Trust

Heroes: when Niki didn't want to show Jessica to psychologist, or when Claire confessed that her father Bennett erased her mother's memories. The help they wished never came, but the one they didn't want had occurred.

People want to hear the truth, only to make us feel bad or, even worse, damage us. They insist too much in their efforts to convince us to open our hearts to them. We know we don't like to do that because people may hurt our feelings, but they play their roles so well that they achieve us to feel confident about them.

Oh holy crap! What a bad feeling when after we talk openly to them, they crush our feelings by doing exactly what we didn't want them to do.

Secrets are not only a need, they are duty! Never open your heart if people can't open theirs for you.

Choose and Suffer

Some thinkers said that we should not feel guilty if we can't achieve something, but not trying it; Although one feels rare when someone else achieves what we wanted, and these feelings increments when we notice that person took the same starting path we chose. One feels either happy, or cheated!

I think the correct way of taking that previous example is so obvious, but the problem is to choose a path and suffer the whole way through it. We are guilty because of choosing our decisions, and the payment is suffering. Some many people have more luck than others, so, sometimes I wonder: are our lives chosen or assigned before we are born? When I start thinking about how I would keep control of the entire universe, I can't accept anything but to choose who will do what thing, when, and how.

For some people, to "date" women is really easy, but for others (for example, me) is no so easy at all. Feelings of suffering are more intense when I fail doing this than when I flunk a test. So, I was born to keep sacrificing my feelings and keep being sad in order to suffer more.

George Bernard Shaw said something like "Learn to suffer. Learning how to do it will help you to suffer less." Practice your suffering with unnecessary things to learn how to stand it when doing what is necessary... This is easier said than done. :-(

Prostitutes and Thieves

What are difference between these couples: Top Model and Trafficant Vs. Rich Prostitute and Thief? The only difference is Money and "Beauty". In many cases, Beauty increments these "nasty" qualities.

When I see a woman, I see a household prostitute: looking for a man with enough money to satisfy all her material wishes, and "marring" him... When I see a man, I see a thief: trying to take advantage of other people in order to have enough money for those prostitutes.

I am really writing my letter of death with these phrases, scaring all possible "great" women from my life, but I have enough money, I wont' have too much problems.

Sometimes I think that this World is really good as it is.

Profitable Superpowers

In Heroes, Simone and Nathan Petrelli had a very special conversation about super powers that Peter and Isaac have.

Simone said to Nathan they can use their powers to try to help and change the world, and tried to motivate him to help them; but Nathan argued this was dangerous, because people with unclear intentions will try to take advantage and profit with them, or will use them as Guinea Pigs. She left the place saying something like "Where others see Hope, you see Disaster." I think Nathan could say to Simone that her point of view was exactly the opposite: She tries to see Hope where leaders will see more Disaster.

When something innovating appears, it is used to improve our world, but only after leaders generate enough money and control with them. It can't be helped.

Utopia or Human Extinction?

Part of the raw material of the capitalism is in families, marriages, and love. The system is more complex, but it depends on them in great part.

Love, courtship, relationship, engagement. Wow, many affordable red things come into my mind...

Marriage is the spearhead to sell weddings and artifacts related to it: cakes, dress, parties, etc. And weddings commonly occur in churches. Churches have their meaning, but nowadays ... besides, they need economical help.

After a couple becomes husband and wife, then it comes children. The cost of rising them. And everyone wants at least two or three kids. Schools and hospitals anyone?

And I am talking about mandatory things you will do, but what about many other types of gifts you should give to your family and many other people?

Many years ago I thought about committing suicide, but now I really love my life. I respect everybody's life. I am just stating things what I hate about it, and how we tend to get easily comfortable with them.

Is there hope? It is possible, but what is more probable? Utopia or Human Extinction?

Feelings: consequence of Universe

Why do feelings exists? What was the origin of them? Why they are present on every life, in every act we do? If we don't feel it, then others feel consequence of our acts.

Are all these useless feelings, that makes us do silly things, to make us test ourselves, or are a consequence of disappearing the Singular Nothing? Maybe feelings are the dark side of material reality.

I can't think of a better alternative. Great successes need great sacrifices, so it is OBVIOUS that God have made a great sacrifice (maybe) in order to create Universe as it is. Something so unpredictable as feelings can't be a pro; feelings must be a con.

Leaving evidence of our existence?

I saw a movie called "All Is Illuminated". This story talks about a boy who want to find a person who was deeply related to his grandparents. Somewhere in the movie a group of people talk about a woman who, in the past, threw a ring with the purpose of leaving evidence of her existence. As a woman thinks about how they have gathered, she said "The ring is not here by us; We are here by the ring!"

Interesting. Is it possible that some artifacts of us contain a part of our soul after we are dead, and then these artifacts start calling people related to us, or at least with same anguishes we had in our previous life? I don't know, but many great people in the past made their best effort to leave great evidence of their existence in this planet. What for? For next generations to take advantage of them? Come on! Humans are selfish! I suspect there is something hidden inside those evidences left in the past.

The only thing that pass through my mind is: Reincarnation!

Friday, November 27, 2009

At first, do what is necessary only!

"Start by doing what is necessary; then do what is possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." (St. Francis of Assisi)

Although it could be seen silly and ugly, please, try to start by doing only what is necessary, because if you start by doing more than that, you could lose the charm.

Even it is funnier to add enhancements to a prototype, than to construct the perfect thing from the start.

Start by doing what is necessary. Keep that start as small and objective as possible. Remember the KISS (Keep It So Simple, at the start, of course)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Java is losing me

Java teachings always shows the hard way from the start. And they try to make it "softer" via IDE.

Java teachings love to complicate matters. I mean, we need to learn the fastest way to generate useful results using as lesser resources as possible. If you only think about big enterprises, that's fine, but what do you leave to all dreamers in our world?

Flexibility is thrown as trash. You start learning things like Three-Tier and MVC, but NO IDE does refactoring or code generation taking account of those structures, or if they do it, that knowledge seems to be kept top secret.

If I have an idea of a program, and it seems complicated to me to implement, I feel like doing an unwanted abortion. I am not saying that childbirth is easy, but procreation is not that difficult. Children are always born naked, then its parents provide them with all what they might need.

Although it seems long, Bradley Kjell did a really good job teaching Java, no like those too verbose Java Tutorials which frighten instead of appeal (Duke holds pencil like a sniper rifle, LOL)

Oh, my child programs ...

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Teaching how to fish

Instead of helping others in order to improve their quality of life, some people prefer to take advantage of their debilities.

There is a proverb that says: "Give someone a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach someone to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." Many people are afraid of teaching, because they believe they will be thrown way their hen of golden eggs, but you should remember this: "Fishing is not an attractive activity for everybody." This part could be one part of your income, teaching could be another one also.

Always try to improve quality of your life as well as others. Challenges will never stop appearing in everybody's life. Redirect all negative feelings to where they will be good: this eternal challenge of life is great!

Feelings: like bacterias

Shame, fear, pain, hatred, sadness, ...
-Vs-
Pride, desire, pleasure, love, happiness, ...

Which one is tied to what? Feelings are tied to acts, or vice versa? (you act because you feel, or you feel because you act?)

One group of feelings which we usually call Bad Feelings, commonly hide ideas, suggestions, opportunities and possible experiments. (When you want to hit someone: normally, there is a better idea than that)

The other group of feelings which we call Good Feelings, like to be hidden inside places where they should not, or in the wrong place. (When you love the wrong girl)

Feelings need to be fed up with something, or they will eat whatever they like the most. (Like hatred towards an old friend)

You should find any type of feeling and assign to each one something to work on: something to love, or hate, or desire, or fear, etc.

Interfaced Vs. Multiple Inheritance

What happens when a class has a bad implementation of a method and you want to improve it? Well, you open your source code and start modifying it, but alas, you don't have its source!

It could be good to provide a better implementation of that bad method via inheritance, because you don't need to modify original source code, but in languages like Java, only one inheritance is possible. You can have multiple interfaces, but these don't provide implementations.

I think compilers should accept every method and only complain about duplicated methods or properties. For example, when you extend from two parents, compiler should stop and complain about two parents with the same method, so YOU can correct that inconsistency. Sometimes multiple inheritance can be used without problems, and in those special cases of method collisions, you need to work.

In cases like this, we need to rely on those run-time alternatives of Delegation, Composition, or Aggregation. The price of Java Strong-Typing is that we need to be Over-Specific. I am recalling those old COBOL days...

Monday, November 23, 2009

HTML is Single Inheritance!

I was trying my ideas tree. It seems to work nicely, but I found one question that is somewhat a revelation:

What if I want to link one node to another node? The layout I did is that one parent has many childs, but what if I want a child to come from many parents? I have never thought about that!

The only possible answer is to make that node to hold a reference to that parent. This reminds me of the problem of references that are assigned at runtime: they can't be confirmed at compile time. Why is it bad? because your code can work wonders when you tested it, but when your clients do their testings....

OOP depends on Type Checking to help to "detect" those possible problems, but what about HTML? Now, EcmaScript is getting more and more necessary.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Movements Vs. Feelings?

Feelings make our body react in any specific way.

Why not trying the inverse? To infuse feelings by making some motions with our body?

Tony Robbins said: "Emotion is created by motion." It should be really fun to be able to generated any kind of feelings we need to motivate ourselves only by doing whatever silly movement we normally do when we are on that state.

For example, what things do you normally do when you got excited? or happy? or with a lot of courage and energy? Try to describe those movements. Then, try to reproduce them all. It could be even possible to find new moves that you could associate with your emotion. Some examples are singing, exercising, rithmic or dancing moves. You could even try with breathing or facial gestures.

It seems good enough, but it could be falsifying real emotions. I think we could even adapt to those movements and not recieving an emotional boost. But atoms could also be an illusion, then we live surrounded by illusions anyway.

Francis Edward Smedley said: "All's fair in love and war." My war is against feelings. I want to fully dominate them. To make them as my slaves. Could it be possible, or probable?

Cultivating beliefs and ideals

There are supressing ideals (which make your living worse) and upgrading ideals (which make it better).

There are also if-ideals (they depend on conditions) and global-ideals (that can be applied to every aspect in your life). Even beliefs, ideals and thoughts can be improved!

There exist great if-ideas. An example could be "If life present me drugs, I will reject them" or "I will always create things as long as I can stand". These two pearls depend on conditions.

There are some ideals that can be crippling you and they should be ripped off. Oppositely, there are ideals that can be cultivated and make them sprout much enough to convert into a sucessful conviction, which in turn can change your character.

Reject bad ideals, and harness good ones. They can really help you to succeed.

Offense=Ideas, Pain=Motivation

If people ridicule you, and you feel offended, please check the reason and their act, because it seems there are ideas hiding inside them.

Examples: You are laziest in your job. You are ugly. You will have "luck" with a woman today... If you feel bad when hearing similar things, then congratulations!! You have spotted a flaw in your system! Now, your task is to find the best way to correct it, or to take advantage of it!

You need to feel enough pain, in order to rise your standards and force you to move in the direction you want.

Examples: when you finish off a bad relationship, or when you setup long-term goals because you want to improve your actual status.

If you feel alright with your actual status, then you won't never see a reason to improve it. If there are no problems, then there is nothing to get better, isn't it?

Learn to hate your actual status until you got what you want. Then, repeat the process again. To accomplish new and great goals, you will need new and great efforts.

Ying Xiong: Broken Sword

These are one of many dialogs from this movie which made my head dizzy.

I brought this one because it was today that I have already digested it.

Nameless: Great calligraphy.
Broken Sword: Great swordsmanship.
Nameless: You didn't see my swordsmanship.
Broken Sword: Without it, I couldn't have written this calligraphy.

WTF?? What a !@#$%^&* second answer from Broken Sword! I didn't see its relation to the swordsmanship of Nameless until today.

Those are very deep answers. I will love to be able to create that kind of phrases. It seems that, in essence, you need to connect two apparently different topics. If somebody says something about one thing, that could reveal something else about himself. Then, you bring that out, and when he asks you in bewilderment, you will bring your phrase.

If I checked its leading:

I have great calligraphy because I have great swordsmanship. If you are capable of understanding my calligraphy, then you probably can understand my swordsmanship. If you understand it, then you should have great one.

I was focusing on calligraphy, not in literature or meaning of scriptures. If I go that way:

Those are my thoughts after many years of battle. That is the way I really feel. If you find this phrase great, then you had similar sufferings like mine. If your abilities got you as far as understanding this, then they should be great!

But of course, both of them are swordsmen and they talked about calligraphy, maybe not meanings ... I am trying to connect two apparently different topics ... :-D

Turing machine: secuential

Turing machine is the most simple theory to explain how computers solve problems: they solve them sequentially.

Even people solve problems sequentially. Of course, many can people can work in parallel to solve a common problem for them, but each one does its work sequentially. Even if you write with one hand, and at the same time play piano with another, each hand is doing a sequential work!

Looking at these examples, it feels funny to use Java Threads for parallelism, but sometimes that is not so simple enough.

Even when we are designing a diagram, or if defining dependences, or writing a use case, we always think sequentially.

Is sequentiality the most basic feature of solving problems? Stored data is a basic feature too, but am interesting in knowing more about it, although it seems like a law.

Design Vs. Code

Design shows a "better" or "ideal" way to achieve a solution.
Code can alert that a design needs possible or inevitable improvements.

From concrete (code) to abstract (design)? People push Design too much, even after they try the first prototype, and when they see the mess of code, they swallow down that fact and keep pushing Design! Design and Code are very tied together. To think in design first is really usefull, but I have found many obstacles when coding that were not evident when designing.

I personally believe that Design is the first filter for a good application, but it does not means that your application will have the best structure. But if you reduce context of application maybe ... The catch is, when context gets bigger, application should evolve or be replaced.

There were statements, then they where grouped by functions/subroutines/procedures. These functions then grouped by classes/objects. Now, those classes are grouped by namespaces/packages... What will come next?

Trampling people? Try a little too!

People like to trample image and pride of others. And they really enjoy it! Then, remember that people are good by nature, even if they act the fool.

By hurting your feelings, people will make you think on things you will never think on if things keep as stable as they are. For example, if nobody or nothing hurts you, you could think your world is the best. You could even get bored about that world! But this world has many things to be fixed.

So, keeping those three things in our mind, we can come up with very clever ways of reversing the trampling to its source and, very importantly, to show our intelligence!

And no! This is not about hitting offenders on their faces! :-P

People are good by nature

No matter what kind of things people have done, are doing, or will do, any of these acts will have a point of view from where you could see them as good acts!! Think about that: killing someone, stealing others, cursing people, taking advantage of anything, ... In some sense, everything what people do could be doing some kind of good! People are doing some kind of favor to themselves, or commonly, to somebody else.

Then, in that particular sense, everybody is good by nature!! It is a very relaxing phrase to remember when you find people who try to smash you in any way; but, as you know, nothing is 100% perfect, and I will put the example of two people: a thief and someone with almost no money and a family. But even thieves have family!! So, these two people encounter themselves Who will prevail? What happens when opposite acts interferes between themselves? Then, sadly, it comes to the Nature Law that says "the stronger one survives, and weaker one dies."

And that last law is really true, no matter if the strength is material, or spiritual ...

Friday, November 20, 2009

Using objectives to test logic errors

Objectives, goals and purposes are useful to test our code, but only if there are no logic errors.

For example, you have an idea and you want to test it out, but you are afraid of using the real context of your idea and spoil or confuse everything, so you try to test in another narrower context... No! Forget about it. You could end losing twice the time.

Although you try to change to another kind of test, your probability of commiting a logic error is the same, so, don't waste time doing collateral tests. Use the main logic of your application, and build your test upon it.

If you want to do a test aside from your main application, do it inside a class or a function, to make it easy to adapt.

Some privates thoughts related to programming

Your code or program won't appear by itself. Even if you beg God for it with all your power and strength with a prayer. Stop dreaming and start coding!! ... Well, it's Ok that design helps organizing ideas, but code is what tests if design is really good. So, do your code!

Programming with full vice, learn and memorize programming techniques, practice and improve design techniques... Are these the only things to think about? Come on! Everybody needs a pastime!

Coding directly. your own include file of functions. Renaming files... Express your own programming methods, and put them to a test, be on a competence, doing an important application like txt_db_api... W Sometimes I start wondering: What do I find greatly motivating about Chess? Why can't I transfer that motivation to programming?

Programming what you don't want

I hate to program what I don't want. It is hard to adapt PHP to a design. My solution possibly may not be OOP.

Well, at least I will try to make it flexible. Template pattern is a real procedure inside an OOP method.

As I re-read previous two lines, now I am recalling that maybe all inconveniences I have on my programs may fit on some of those Gang Of Four's Design Patterns, but I need to read and compare my solutions.

I think that problems in adopting OOP for me has been because I have not a very deep comparison of OOP Design Patterns Vs. Structural/ Procedural Designs, because a software like Unix was created without OOP in mind (in that time, I think), and it is still great software.

We really need more motivation to move on, because only the idea itself or money are not enough to move us. I think what is missing can be something universal, something of meaning, that can be used in any skill you want to improve.

Losing

- I fear to have to destroy whatever I have done.
- It is better do something small or little, than to do nothing
- What about being ridiculed?
- It depends on what is really on bet: whatever it is, you will lose.

Evolution = Find/Replace Fest

I am thinking harder and harder how to make a program highly evolutive. And the core part that keeps me on it is when you have to add a new field operation in the business logic.

These are two typical lines of a conversation about the evolution of a program:
- We want that program to do this new thing.
- Ok, but that program was not created to add that function flexibly.

You can add a patch for it, or you can re-modularize affected sections of the program. This is somewhat related to the "Optimal Vs. Agile" entry. Dividing and Agregating are intertwined, because nobody wants a program with 300 patchs, but there could be some patchs which will be essentially complex to link or adapt inside the original code.

Change? Earthquake!

Think about those moments when a program need to go "multi". By "multi" I mean, for example: multi-language, multi-tasking, multi-enterprise, multi-datafield, multi-userlevel, ... or even adding a new field in one form...

A typical work flow for a highly probable expansible project:
  1. You design a solution
  2. Then a future need appears
  3. Then what to do? a) adapt new solution to old one (maybe turns legacy)
  4. or b) redesign old solution to include new one (maybe a lot of work)
This seems like a big deception when I look at those buzzwords like "Agile Development", "OOA&D", although "Extreme Programming" seems more tied to the principle that has always worked since those old binary programming days.

What is the feeling we have when an application needs to evolve or scale? A total earthquake!!

A colossal redesign only to add a feature that sounds so simple when it is said. This fact alone can be said to be related to the main feature of programming: a program will change, or it will die. All possibilities of Change is what will keep programming alive for many years to come.

The only really useful ability a programmer needs to improve, are his abilities to find and replace inside tons of code. It really pays off.

Optimal Vs. Agile

How to organize my job? or how to deliver my solution as fast as possible?

To choose between an Optimal and Agile solution?

Procedural or OOP?

Well, I think it should be an Agile, trying to make it easy to make the possible future transport to the Optimal version. But it sounds easier than is done, specially when there are more "Agile" solutions awating...

But that is exactly what Java promotes! Java in essence has a high load time, but its execution "should" be faster. And it has a high elocuent syntax...

It seems there are still too much way to go in order to resolve the "Essential Complexity" of programming...

Ritchie & Stroustrup: "modern" grandparents

It is very hard for me to think that somebody invented a "modern" programming language without knowing anything about these two great people: Dennis Ritchie and Bjarne Stroustrup.

When I see "C", I think about a language designed to reduce all verbosity that could arise when you have to type more than 20,000 lines of code.

When I see "C++", I think about that previous language, redesigned to make a really big improvement of modularization of those 20,000 lines.

Of course there are many benefits and drawbacks for any language, including those two. But for a programmer who needs to type high amounts of lines, those are nice features.

Mathematical Refuge

Programming is the perfect refuge for all that mathematical talent in the world that is getting wasted because there is not a clear way to employ that knowledge.

Programming is where the mathematical abstract world can get out. It is a window that was open of all of us which where "in jail".

The drawback of it is that the effort to make any mathematical abstraction to come to life, is at least five times harder than to express it on paper.

Although that big effort could also be a motivation... huh?

Chat + IRC + Internet = Refuge

There is Internet, Chat, IRC, etc. You can be grateful that they exist, because they are willing to answer you any question a physical person may not want to.

People don't have time to answer your question, but some[body/thing] has.

It is like a playground where you can share and test your ideas and make question that are somewhat impossible in the "normal life".

Internet is my refuge!

I thought about Matrix again! About the underworld communication system in the movie.

When I was typing "A program is a living being", I thought about Matrix too!

A program is like a living being

This was the thought that made me create a Programming category:

A program is like a living being: it takes time to be born, you take it to the doctor to analyse its diseases, you put make-up on it, you can take it to the gym and put it on shape, you give him proteins... even you can replace it.

Making a program highly evolutive?

Is making any program highly evolutive impossible?

Think about a group of three people which are together and two of them want to be able to communicate in front of the other, but making sure that he won't understand anything. A private mutual key is needed to encode message, but if they share it, the third one will see it.

Everybody has one. Only higher beings knows them. They know keys are necessary, but if we knew it and get drunk, then somebody will have it and will know anything about we think.

I can tell that when you need something, is when you get more miserable.

The way of getting around the problem of the group of three is that the two of them get far away from the third, and share keys, but the problem is that the third one could get more interested in knowing what does that rare message means...

Even if a highly and ethernal evolutive program is possible, it will always have drawbacks. Nothing being 100% perfect. (For me) Perfection is an illusion, like selling bug as a feature.

Work, Leisure and Rest

I read a little evangelic treatise that some people ocassionally distribute on street in order to try to bring people to churches. This one talked about the common "salvation" topic.

Have churches succeeded in eliminating sexual attraction, work abuse, and pleasures? No! Their moral legacy is the best one, but there are things that haven't and won't ever change. For example, you still need to work in order to get food. That is an universal truth.

We only thought binary: work and rest. But leisure is as important as any of the first two.

Saint Trinity: Work, Leisure and Rest... Until destiny says that there is another one more important thing, then it will become "Fantastic Four" :-P

One? Other? Money!

I thought about trying to start again with my first girlfriend, but I remembered that I was the first boyfriend of someone else...

You want one, but not the other. The other wants you, but the one not.

At this state, I think neither of them wants me!! :'-(

Damn money!!

Miracles #2

Early in the morning, I was on public car going to my job, when the car driver start talking about something that happened to him. He was saying something like this:

"I always liked to bet, but one day I didn't have even a tiny bit of money. I remember that deadline to renew my driver's license and pay my car's taxes and tags was very near. I remember also, that in that time I asked God to help me with something, because money I've got was not enough ... and I don't know how it happened, but I found one thousand pesos inside my car. Probably some passenger may have dropped it. I took them because I really need them, and until this date, nobody had ever came to reclaim that money."

I heard another story with this same line of thought, when my aunt's husband was young. He spent all the money his parents gave him, and he only have a little money and he decide to spend it on lottery. He said, "God, if I win the lottery, I promise I will change from now on. I will never waste earnings of my parents or relatives this way. Never!" He was hiding below his bedroom and a suitcase filled with clothes. He was prepared to leave the town when he heard the lottery numbers and then he noticed that he won!

Those kind of events make us believe that God exists! Are they coincidences of our life? Maybe, but I don't think so. Sometimes God really make great manifestations of His Power and Ability to make something like that, and make it look like a casualty.

One cow and three pigs

Some years ago, I saw a novel on TV called "Por que diablos" novel. It was a very funny novel. I thought his main actor could never had another chance to do something like this again, until "El Cartel de los Sapos" appeared and rebamped him again!

Well, talking about "Por qué diablos", in that novel there was a very funny scene where the woman of the main protagonist couple was making a psychological test to the main man, who was a prisioner. It was a dialog similar to this one:

- I will show you some paintings and you will tell me what you see.
- Ok. Let's try it.
- What do you see here?
- A cow and one little pig
- Uh. Well, what about this one?
- A cow with two little pigs.
- .... And what about this one... No. Let me guess, a cow and ...
- You are right! three little pigs! You can really read my mind!

LOL, the first time I saw this I thought he was making fun of her psychologist, but now what I am really thinking is that he was trying to seduce her.

When you look at life, you have two ways of taking it: with a lot of responsibility, or a lot of fun. You must take a little from them, or you will end wasted.

Women want slaves

I had intercourse with someone which don't like to see at my face!! (well, maybe because I have almost two months without shaving anything... ;-D) Anyway, I thought that act was a clear message trying to say this:

"You could have all my body, but you will not have my love."

Wow! What about all I have tried to say you before? About all what asked you and you never responded? Even after a third people made you react, you never said anything!

What all women want are slaves for her.

Women like to order or command men. "Do that!", "Stop!", "Forget about it!". But about her feelings, we need to be a seer and try to guess what does she wants or needs, then she starts commanding again!! At that moment, we start thinking: "What is really what a woman wants?"

Creating, finding and fixing errors

I was reading about how increasingly difficult it get to find and correct errors as time passes by. It is very clear that a 100-lines program is a lot easier to correct than one with 10,000 lines or more.

When you begin a task, you try avoid all possible errors. But when that task get too big, it becomes highly difficult to test all possible errors, then we try harder to make those errors evident and easier to find and correct by organizing our work in a way to ease this search.

Whenever you do anything, you should do it while thinking: "When I need to fix something, will it be very easy to find after 6 months? How sure am I about this?

Look at women without shame

I was in the metro. In the metro you can see beautiful ladies. But it is sad when there are many women and you can't have one. What to do then? The next phrase was my thought.

"If you find some beautiful girl, look at her with no shame, because it is highly probable that you won't see her again in your life anymore."

It is a very selfish to think about women like that, but it is also difficult to find a woman who perfectly matches with you.

I wish the day will come when I can stop this passive way of acting towards women, because I really want to feel activity inside me, not just to pretend that I am active.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Kids are bad

This situation is happening many times:

Kids like to bother other kids, or even adult people. They are mad, but what I hate about it is that they REALLY hate being bothered, to the extend they may want to fight adults.

When I think about this, I recall there are adults who act like these kids. It seems people are degrading.

How to answer these "bothering" attacks. In kids' case, it is to talk with their parents; In adults' case, is to talk with The Law, because God had chosen His filters. And if you choose your own answer, you may be acting against The Law.

Delinquency spoiled everything

If a man looks at a woman, everybody should agree that he feels attraction to her.

That should be the way, but it isn't. Woman's first thought is "Is he a thief?" And she could be right. A gracious problem could be: What does the man really want to steal? Her heart or her money? :-D ... This should be a pleasant activity, not a frightening one.

Delinquency made hitchhiking more difficult for people who want to do it for fun or need.

I understand there are people living because of delinquency, but that is a wrong system and it must be changed.

Are you concerned about losing your incomes because of stopping it? Remember: everything in life gets readjusted when change happens. Inside change, new opportunities and businesses are hidden, but please, don't choose delinquency!!

Who starts? Who enters? Love or sex?

A relation starts with Love, and then Sex enters to the game.
or it starts with Sex, and then Love enters to the game.

It is inevitable. We are humans. We have feelings and our body has reactions. These two things move us to seek this sensual contact. But the problem is that Sex is not enough to satisfy Love, and vice versa.

Some writings say Control is needed to keep us from seeking Sex only. But nowadays it is hard to get an image of a couple who lives together until both die, without knowing how intense sexual attraction is. This is another Utopian thought that must be removed from our current level of development.

Love and Sex are two different needs, but some people (specially women) tend to tie them together.

Hierarchy of women

I find that is easy to have a talk with a woman if you go towards a defined hierarchy to reach her attention:

- Talk to people she respects (parents or tutors).
- Talk to people she will listen (work or class mates).
- Talk to her friends first.

It feels like Token+Grammar programming, like Government, like Army, like the theory of filters in the universe... A message will pass through people which filters it, and then answer is filtered back to you!

This excess of beings between you and she is annoying, but is good path, because they may help you to convince her, although they may have their price...

Although I don't like to use intermediaries, I can't deny this path makes it more probable to have a contact, and is less painful to receive a NO in this process than to receive it directly from her. :-(

Symphony or Trance?

Some months ago, I started to perceive something about the type of songs I like, specially songs without lyrics. In my case, I feel some songs try to transmit feelings of Struggle, Sadness, and a never-ending action to improve your actual situation in life. I feel this because I find inside some songs a mix of sad and happy phases, as well as an ending phase on which there are elements related to one those first parts. Even more, I perceive this quality not only belongs to classical music, but modern music as well. I will bring some contrasting examples on which I feel this equilibrium between happy and sad tunes:

David Wise - Stickerbrush Symphony - Donkey Kong Country 2
(Michiko Naruke) Bramble Blast - Smash Bros. Brawl

Claude Debussy - Clair de Lune (I really like his piano skills)
Basshunter - En Porrig Sommar (Great song, but bad title)

Beethoven Vs. ATB.

When I knew that 'Donkey Kong Country Returns' was in development, in 2010-06-18 09:00 GTM -4, I was marveled when I thought about how the song was arranged. The first part seems like a crying phase, the next part looks like resolution-building phase, and all the next sounds are the long party phase.

Also, "Louie Devito - Take your time", has a similar structure. I think there are plenty of songs with contrasting themes. Maybe my taste is rare. :-\

Friday, November 13, 2009

Insomnia Dreams

"The Dream is not what you see in sleep; Dream is the thing which doesn't let you sleep."
-Dr. APJ. Abdul Kalam-
(Found in codingforums.com, used by abduraooft)

Really true. I really need many of these insomnia dreams. I recall when I knew what cartoons where, then movies..., then video games, then woman attraction ... , then programming ... I had insomnia the first time I met with each one of things I have previously mentioned, but sometimes I wish I can control the way I feel about things I like.

Some people say we should sleep only four hours a day, but is hard for me to keep up with it. Also, I hate when I do something because there is someone (parents) or something (homework) pushing me. I would like to bring my insomnia naturally, just like those "first time" moments...

When I think about it, it is the free sample that God gives you, in order to get you addicted to seek Happiness, just like some people get addicted to Drugs.

Dancing inside the storm? Pain is the fault

Don't fear the storm. Dance in the rain.

If sky drops lemons, make lemonade.

From imdb:
Green Goblin:
Spider-Man. This is why only fools are heroes - because you never know when some lunatic will come along with a sadistic choice. Let die the woman you love... or suffer the little children? Make your choice, Spider-Man, and see how a hero is rewarded!

- I always try to do my best, and obstacles keep appearing again and again. Is it my fault if I fail because of them? What if I am risking my life too much for that silly goal? If my life is not that important, why is so painful to lose it? I know its value, so I should be relieved from pain...
- But pain is the greatest alert you have, because it is very private and it brings too much of your attention to that painful event.
- Ok. Pain and Torture are similar. But would be possible for me to temporally turn that useful system off or in stand by, until that dreadful event passes by? When I got an injury, the greatest source of pain are its creation, and cure methods. Between those moments, there is no pain. Sometimes you injure yourself even without noticing it (like the little cuts you get when you run in shorts inside a reedbed) How could I do this? Drugs?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

About martir stories

Lelouch, John F. Kennedy, Darth Vader, Jesus, ... All of their stories goes around the motivation to try to save or fix a country, planet or universe. Even though their motives were full of rightness, somewhat, their means to achieve those goals were not seen good enough for some people. That opposite point of view became hate towards them.

That gives us a nice constant: Anytime you try to do what you think is the best thing, there always will be someone or something that will oppose you. ALWAYS. FOREVER. Sooner or later, it will always appear. It is so sad to get opposition, isn't it?

The only sad way to counter it is to keep going until that dreadful moment in which that opposition becomes great enough to destroy you.

Of course, you can stop what you are trying to do, and try to excel in another area, but then, it will appear again...

Miracles #1

There was a moment in One Piece in which I only knew that Monkey D. Luffy will live because I knew the chapter I was looking at was not the last one of the story. Even in that moment, he affirms that he got wasted! But then, some "miracle" appeared.

This moved me, and now I believe why: It is because there were moments in my life when I accepted my loss, and then an opportunity for me to make a little more progress appeared "miraculously".

When I think deep about One Piece, I believe the author is trying to say we should live like "Living la vida loca". Well, if not, at least he is clearly saying that we need to change some convictions about our way of living if we want to achieve a specific kind of progress in our life.

Only Power moves people?

This is a thought inspired on One Piece.

Right before the execution of Gold Roger, instead of saying "All Hail Piracy", somebody asked him "Where did you put all the money you found?", and this motivates to answer this: "Do you want everything I got? Then go there. I left everything there!"

Wow! this phrase alone made more people to become pirates, than a silly praise about piracy. It seems people need a goal, a clear benefit for them to be willing to move to the right direction, or to the direction that Someone Very Famous And Powerful wants to.

Well, to live our life seems to be a Great Motivation by itself alone. What do you think? I think it is not enough!

No easy path

I extracted this dialog from One Piece, after that meaningful Monkey D. Luffy Vs. Laboon fight, and before leaving that place.

- There is no a defined route! It is possible that you get lost and need to come back here!
- No problem. Then I will return and take another route.

What?! How simple and easy does he takes things! Don't you think this way of thinking looks crazy? Well, after many struggles in my life, I have come to a conclusion: There is no easy route! If there is one, then it is too risky (like being rich with drugs or robbery). If you take it easy from the beginning, then you will lose courage when it starts getting difficult (like when you meet Calculus, Derivations and Integrations in your studies).

Remember: an easy and simple path is not always that easy or simple.

Love? Money? Yin-Yang!

I have been on Sleeplessness many times for specific topics like project organization and a women. At some extend, I think solution to these problems may be related to Money or Love.

I got a revelation! Money and Love may compose each half of a Yin-Yang! Think about it: a pink half versus a gold half. If you immerse inside one of them, at some point you will wish a little of the other. There are many ways in each one of them can conclude. Which is the correct one? Each one has defects and failures.

"Por Amor" by Arcangel, talks about how a man ask to everybody about the meaning of Love. I could try to do the same, but nobody has the ultimate anwer, so it seems the only good answer is the one you develop yourself, even if there are people who don't share your points of view.

Why do feelings exists?

Why do we need to feel? Is there a way to turn off that !@#$%^&* for a little time, though?? Don't You see it interferes with my learning and development? Is that fact inevitable, even for You, God??

Ok, it seems they are fuel that makes our our being to move to specific directions, but they tend to move us to any other direction except the one we want. This is because each feeling have an specific goal, aim or limit.

God, do You have these inconveniences also? If so, why won't you share them with us? Are you so proud to admit it? is the goal of feelings too difficult for us to comprehend? If they are too difficult for us, why do we ought to suffer their complexity? Have you forgotten these answers and are you trying to make us find it for you?

If success, then sacrifice

Your objective is to make everybody happy and get whatever you wish. But remember that sadness will always accompany you, Ignacio.

Nothing is perfect. Nothing is totally good. Nothing generates eternal happiness, and if you try to look for meaning of life, you will have to break through tons of suffering of many kinds, caused either by your laziness, or by choosing goals too big for your actual status (i.e. your actual knowledge or abilities).

As the ending song of Monster anime, "For the love of life, there's a trade off". Success and Sacrifice are tightly coupled, and we tend to ignore they are too tied. If you feel you are not achieving what you want, think hard about the amount of sacrifice you are investing, because is very probable you need to sacrifice even more!

Outflanking personality

In streets, cars need to go always in straight line and be predictable, then some other people can take advantage of it and exceed or outflank you. People are like that and I see it good and bad at the same time. If a car driver keeps jumping from track to track, it will be risky to outflank him; if you stay in your track, then some people can easily outflank you: People take advantage of everything, even silly things.

Politics and Laws establish guidelines for us to follow. They try to make us predictable for them to keep control of us. From one point of view, they have won, but they have been seduced for current benefits, but they are not looking forward to long term benefits. They say "Life is so short. I need to catch as much I can from them" and not thinking about people who will stay alive after they die.

But, either being active or passive, each one has pros and cons. Is up to you to choose your style and study it as if your life depends on it.

Queue of wishes

I am analyzing a thought to forget my desire to achieve or learn about things like: women, c++, design patterns, more friends, ... This kind of thought is because I am really trying to focus all my strength on some very important duties that I have on a pending list.

I am also recalling that, as a human being, I have very strong needs to learn many things and feel good myself. At some extend, it seems they are also duties, don't they?

I feel bad because it seems my own wishes are in conflict between themselves. Everyone of them deserves the same level of attention, but as humans, we are designed to work best if we focus on only one thing at a time.

If you organize all your wishes in turn, then you will see a long queue, just like the one you see when you go to shopping malls. :-O

Sharing feelings: constipated

A word or phrase is said to try to transmit a feeling to people. Phrases like "Good morning" or "I love you" have a very deep meaning, that is almost impossible to express with words.

But every person uses those word, phrases can become a buzzword, a common empty word with no deep feeling attached to it.

For example, "Good morning" could be trying to transmit the wish of people for you to have a really good morning, but some people can start saying "Why on earth this is a good morning?".

We really need a way to transmit feelings. We need to improve it. It is as important as the capability to see auras: help us determine real intentions of people.

Exchanging Love for Improvement

It really put me on dyscontrol when I look at something I really like. This fact alone is enough to remove and distort all current focus to the extend I feel a need to start from the beginning.

"Because of the love that I feel for you is why I don't look at you." Love can damage. I don't understand why something you love can cause that lot of problems.

To love is not only to be attracted to, gaze at, wish or touch someone or something. It does not have a defined form. Because we can commit suicide or homicide for love.

In Heroes, Daniel Linderman said: "You see, I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning." Happiness Vs. Improvement, that is the question.

Programming = Constant Improvement

In programming, there are too much code to maintain, but that is what ensure all jobs. Does it means that projects always become too complex? I think so. Because everybody always try new alternatives of how doing things, and those alternatives needs programming.

For example, each Windows version brings many improvements to user interface and experience. Of course, they don't create them, but Pablo Picasso said: "Good artists borrow. Great artists steal." Go figure, but that is another topic. If someone had used Windows 3.11 before, and try to compare it against Windows 7, they will instantly know what I am talking about: providing better alternatives to do common things as time passes by.

Of course that old windows helped too much and it still can solve many problems. So MS-DOS. The same can be said about Unix/Linux, but that is not an excuse to stay the same forever. Well, at least they keep improving user experience ... Always keeping people in mind.

If other things in life could get the same improvement speed as the software had, this world would be great, but people still feel pleasure with the pain of others ...

Events: Good=Help ; Bad=Test

This is related to how you feel when some events happen in your life. When good events happen, you feel so happy; but if they are bad, you start feeling sad, or angry!

"Good events are help. Bad events are tests." I am talking about those unpredictable events that occurs for no apparent reason. Those events that keep you wondering where they came from.

When events are help, they bring some kind of unexpected benefit to you: happiness, enjoyment, money, or something material. Things you really needed, and they came to your life.

When events look like tests, majority of time they present you the option of resigning to your ideas, goals and desires, accompanied with some tragic situation: broken relationship, job firing, project problems, even household problems! They ask you if you will keep going or send everything to hell.

Remember: "Good events are help. Bad events are tests."

Women attraction is the biggest objection of rules

It doesn't matter to what determination I arrive. From all objections that can appear to counter it, female attraction is the first biggest and more intense of all.

Sometimes, this fact really makes me cry. Why are thoughts about women so intense in my life? I think it is written on my genes, but that impotence of not being able to catch the kind of woman I like and that desire interfering on my material goals, makes me sad.

And that sadness is because I really wish to re-focus that passion-towards-women to other aspects of my life. I am really trying to do it everyday.

But the catch is, what will I do after I have achieved the economical balance I wish? LOL: Find a great woman to spend the rest of my life!! Wow, even at the end, they are present. :'-(

Affections make me creative

If I am hungry of affections, and it appears a piece I can bite, I start talking alone, generating ideas, and wanting to share those ideas, ... That last one is the failure. It is not the next step, but I don't know which is.

(20091130.2210) Of course! Why didn't I think about it when I started this entry? Sharing ideas is not a step, but a hindrance. The real step is making those ideas real and concrete! When they exist, people can check them and their feedback will tell you if that idea really matters. People only need to see it. Even you can decide if that concreted idea can be useful to yourself! It should be useful to somebody if it worths the effort.

Don't stop giving life to ideas, even after that piece of affection ends. Keep walking... or searching affections! ;-)

Karma, Reincarnation, Tortures

I think people are afraid of dying because of accumulated bad karma, and to reincarnate as an insect. In my case, I am afraid of torture of any kind, even torture of feelings.

The author of Life of a Webmaster once said that he thinks (or maybe he is sure) that we can fix our karma in our current life. After I thought about it, I feel it is really possible and acceptable to accumulate good karma also because, if bad acts create bad karma, then what should good acts create?

About that reincarnation thing, if our current world have a mechanism of total control of people at a global or mundial scale, why that great and powerful force which created the universe and which we actually call God, will not have Its own mechanism to keep this (or His) universe protected from bad beings?

I always wish to be far away from tortures, and if I will die, I wish it pass quickly; but as this is a world of sorrows, it is probable that too much suffering awaits me. I will keep pushing as much as I can, or like. :-|

It seems cheating is necessary

Minority report movie: even in that "perfect" system, there are people who try to cheat.

In that movie, an old man sacrificed a fortune-teller girl's mother in order to use that girl's abilities to create a system to predict future murders!! And when he tried to incriminate the protagonist, he discovered that old man's crime.

Don't you see how nasty is to create an invention? In order to create something good, you have to ignore or destroy or spend something or someone, Bigger inventions, bigger sacrifices.

Cheating is the fastest way to get good results, but it never meant to be that easy, I suppose. Nevertheless, many people are attracted to cheat others. I hate to cheat, but I am starting to believe that cheating is needed to maintain equilibrium in Universe.

You can surely identify how we have accepted some cheats. For example: Who are God's parents?

An art! Not a work!

The word "work" is so general. Look for another more specific word like "program". Work can scare away, but an art, never!

When you say "I have a table to construct", or "A program to create", or "a wall to paint", it sounds and feels too much different than "I have work to do!". This silly phrase is so empty that it makes us want to be away from what we need to do, instead of making us be near and feel appeal for it.

What you do is an art, not a work! Keep this always present in your mind, even if people ridicule it. If you earn money while doing it, you need to feel inspired forever. If not, you will feel bored.

Sometimes I feel that the correct way is to create somewhat false images of things we perceive. Drugs also falsify perceptions.

Pleasant Vs. Upgrading

Space and time, concrete and abstract, love and intellect, think and act, yes and no, light and dark, ... this is because I don't have a fear of losing what I have got, or throwing myself from a bridge? Is all this insecurity of extremes because of my ignorance of the value that my things have?

These could be existential questions or limits, but although they are so basic and elemental, they keep appearing from time to time, and when I remember that I have ignored them sometime ago and they reappear, I feel shame for myself because my incapacity of generating a correct answer.

But a correct answer to this question is also existential, because nothing stays the same forever. Everything changes. Things either upgrades or degrades themselves. The wish is, things should keep upgrading forever, but this does not happen constantly. Sometimes rarely.

There is no eternal life. Something unpleasant could be needed to upgrade a situation; something enjoyable can degrade or even destroy oneself. Those extremes can generate too much pain and suffering. One could create a Cartesian graph with pleasant and upgrading as axis.

Stone Heart toward friends? What will you become?

Joy, courage, happiness, tolerance, love, desire, wanting, sleeplessness, tirelessness, sacrifice, delightness, excitation, urgy, funny, duty, ... Divide and conquer.

I really want to feel and enjoy all things I do that are related to each feeling pointed by those words, but is really difficult because each good feeling has a bad feeling tied to it, and even if i try to focus them to direct me to one side, the opposite force of their effort bring my focus to the worst part.

Even in that abstract path of dominating our feelings, they keep you hitting your core feeling (the one tied to your goal), and keep you suffering for you sacrifices and making you sad.

A hard and cold heart is maybe impossible to completely achieve; but if it is possible, I have fear because I don't know in what kind of person I will become.

Certainty or Faith?

Religion is like an hemisphere of a brain; and science is the other. They are both part of a whole.

It is like everything we did, do or will: spiritualism and materialism are impregnated in every act. When certainty can't be 100% complete, then we need some faith. But when certainty is almost null, then faith occupies almost 100% of it.

When you try to eliminate one of them, then an explosion occurs and you are placed on uncertainty (when faith is eradicated), or total regretfulness (when certainty is eradicated) ...

Sometimes you can be amazed, because things sometimes go the way you wanted to when you do what you thought that could be useless. Casualty, consequence or supernaturalism?

Push/Pull your cart forward with feelings

Desire of doing something, and fear of not being able to do it are like two forces that moves a cart: one pulls it, another push it, both to the same direction.

But what about pleasure and pain? Those should be two more forces trying to move the same cart. Bring them to help too.

You can re-focus both negative and positive feelings to make your cart of motivation to move. For example, you love to earn money and you hate to lose it. These opposite feelings may have a common goal: move you to improve your economy.

But I have noticed that, although this playing could be great, it may tempt you to do more than what you are essentially able to do. And when this happens, sadness appear because of that difficulty.

In my case, I have no parallel thinking ability, so I should concentrate on only one thing at a time.

Could pastimes be inherited vices?

Women, games, conversations, sleeps, parties, music, drinks, dancing, vagrancy, ... All of this is so attractive that it make us wish to forget about work and duties.

Some people say humans are lazy by nature. It is rare enough and can be denied, but is easier to find motivation to do anything but what you must.

I could think those are inherited vices from our ancestors. Could it be possible to change all these vices for other more productive ones? Possible, but those are current establishment, so you are trying to go against a whole world which will insist those are the best pastimes on earth.

I will try to reprogram myself to change mine.

Do you have what you want?

There always will be something in your life that you really wish, but your actual situation won't allow you to easily get it. It is like being nude and not being able to find any clothes to put on.

Why are things that way? Well, that is a constant feature of self-evolution or self-perfection: Everybody wants to improve their current situation, or some aspects of it. And, if you see it from this point of view, it is not surprising to notice your bad luck when looking for a job. In fact, you will always want to improve your situation in every moment of your life.

And there is where problems appear, because as Anthony Robbins said: "The meeting of preparation with opportunity generates the offspring we call luck." (I heard something similar while taking classes in O&M university) Your amount of luck depends on your own abilities and offers that could appear.

This is both funny and sad: to depend on needs or wastes of others... :-|

Destiny is like Bedazzled movie

You didn't remove my fear of torture, but you did remove my fear of failure; no to women obsession, but yes to success... Is my life like the devil's contract in Bedazzled movie?

In these particular movie, no matter what the main characted wished and begged to the devil, his wish will always, always have a drawback, a defect, a fault, a shortcoming.

I always try harder to get what I don't have right now. Nevertheless, I am noticing that I have good things right now, but I want something I don't have. Am I crazy because of that?

What is really sad is that it seems we have some good qualities but we neither notice them, nor know how to make the most of them. Most of the time, we keep asking ourselves "Why can't I do/have it?" In my case, it is urgent to find a way out of this... vice?!

When offended: Nah, it was nothing!

Boredom, sorrow, shame, ... Ok. Feelings are alerts of things I should take account on? Feelings are like a US$300 prostitute who motivates you to do "something": a nice bait to make waste your life and resources.

It is nice to think that goal of life is to learn how to control those impulsive feelings. To think that this life is a test place to measure our "integrity", but what a test! We have temptations everywhere, from our beds to our friends, from our jobs to our parties,... temptations to show off our bad feelings are daily and constantly present.

We really feel good when we unleash those feelings. It is well known that, after putting it out, all that remains is emptiness, but why on earth is that emptiness so difficult to remember when we are angry or offended? Even if we try to say "Nah, it was nothing!", deep in our heart, we are begging and wishing for a revenge... well, Saint Bible says that evil will be punished...

That irony is a !@#$%^&* joke! :-&

Bad feelings disturbs

I think God has the same sentimental questions as we have, because I don't know why some unpleasant feelings exist.

Think about it. Why do hate, anger, laziness, greed, lust, envy, etc. exist? Of course you can learn something from those feelings, but the only good point I see about them is how they force you to do unthinkable things, like responding a physical attack or sending everybody to hell.

As all the other great feelings, they have the same problem. That problem is the fact that they mist our perception of things and make difficult to see alternatives clearly. The more intense the feeling, the same amount of blindness. Even sadness, which I think is a feeling that keeps my mind at full sight, have made me to ignore good alternatives.

What I hate about feelings like hate is that sometimes appears something I hate, and when that hate is big, ideas can't enter in my mind.

If feelings are alerts, then why on earth they are so attach to motives of things we do everyday to the point that they even seem necessary? I am starting to think that is impossible to do anything without a feeling...

I want to auto-program myself

I am so miserable that even I can't auto-program myself to think in work only. Discouragement always appears because of work amount or delivery date (dead line).

I try harder everyday in order to focus in job only, but it seems it so difficult to achieve. What I exactly want is to be able to ignore big amounts of work to the point to look like an idiot, not only by appearance, but also by commitment and results.

It should be really useful to auto-program ourselves in only having eyes for what we want. It is so easy with love. Could we become in love of everything? Even love things that we actually don't like very much? Sure, it is possible, but it isn't easy.

I think it is the same analogy as achieving great muscles: don't expect them to come in less than three months.

Talk #4: Structure or Resolution?

- Women, chess, programming, KOF, ...
- You should try to pull what you don't need from your mind.
- I don't see what solution will it give me if I forget majority of them.
- You need to make room or space in your mind for new things.
- The only thing I see is free space, no new solution or technique.
- If memory is full, where will you put a new program?
- I can't control how to erase information from my mind?
- Like computers, you don't control erasure mechanics, but you know the command!
- LOL, that's a good one! Anyway, I can't see which is the program that will answer my questions.
- Simple. Use all known efective techniques until...
- A problem arises again. urgh. Then what?
- Investigate a little more.
- What if I can't find anything?
- Then you should analyze the problem some more.
- What if I don't have enough time to analyze?
- Do it as you can.
- Then restart all cycle of investigate, analyze, execute.
- !@#$%^&*, Restart the cycle? Didn't you understand that I need to solve my problem, in shortest time possible, and in the best way possible?
- Then, what do you really want? Something perfect, or to solve a problem? Improvements appears with more probability from everything that is done, not from things that are or live inside one's head.
- Nice! Another good one! ... A thought passed across my mind: Has she been awake as I was?
- Oh god! Now you are thinking in women again! What about that problem structure you were talking about? About that woman I will say only this: you need to investigate.
- I don't know if I should laugh, or cry about what you said.
- ...

Friday, November 6, 2009

Overcoming addictions? Excitement!

Berserk Manga
Demon Dogs. Chapter 75, Page 21
(Check it in MangaShare)

"This is my motto: Enjoyment and Excitement!!"

Although the context in which I presented this phrase is not the most appealing, (...) this was the first time I saw a character who expresses his motto in this way.

The reason why I brought this phrase it is because Enjoyment and Excitement are the best ways to overcome any addiction you have. Think about it: those sensations are what you feel when you are doing your addictions. This is what all addictions have in common.

So, the panacea is to find a useful vice. A vice big enough to give you too much enjoyment and excitement, equal or more than the other vice you want to leave.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Improve after, not before!!

In programming, you try to make a good code, even before writing anything! Although this is good, it normally takes time and effort you could be using in the implementation of that ugly alternative you presented or imagined the first time you thought about a problem.

If you can do something useful in your life, try to start doing it as soon as possible, and then, if what you did needs some improvements, they will be wittily apparent.

But then again, you will be tempted to think in a better way to make those improvements. Remember: do something, then improve later.

In order to save time and effort, improve after you do anything. Sometimes improvements are not really needed.

This seems recursive: To improve, do. To do, improve.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Bad things about women (Note)

Note: Don't get me wrong: women are the best complementation to a man, and viceversa. With a woman, we are so powerful, that we can create life naturally. To caress, hug and kiss a woman is the most pleasant activity that might exist the life of a man... nevertheless, as a programmer that I am, I feel sad when I need to solve a problem, but solution can't enter in my mind because that mind is entirely occupied by a beautiful image of a woman.

I have grouped three bad things about women:

Money: women love to feel good. You can say nice things, kiss, hug and caress them. You can even have a walk with them, maybe something more... the point is, at any point of a relation you should make "gifts", or to spend something to visit places like cinemas, amusement parks, or else. Most common way to spend money is via phone calls. I don't know how often this point arrive in a relation, but I can tell that either she or you will feel sad if you can't make some of her dreams come true.

Time: friends, jobs and extra work, learning, studying or practicing something, or simply a time to breath. If, for some reason, any of these moments collides with the need to be with you that your woman could have, she will begin thinking things like: "You don't give me any time", "You don't love me" or "You have another girl". At this point, it is probably that you use your so needed time and give it to her. It's sad.

Mind: have you and your girl ever been disgusted? Have you tried to do a little work with your mind in that state? Oh God! It's so difficult to get good results when your mind is totally occupied by a woman. No matter if you are delight or worried, a woman in your mind CAN remove your focus from where you need it to be.

These three excuses could be used as a source of motivation also, but in my case, when I think in a woman, the only thing I wish to do in that moment is to be with her, even I have important duties pending.

What to do?

Victim or aggressor?

From time to time, we become victim or aggressor of any kind of act that we hate too much.

About smashing people's happiness.
About telling people's secrets.
About doing what we said we hate.
About doing what we said we will never do in our lives.

Even if it is somewhat a mechanism of defense, a way of punishment, a consecuence from our acts, or else, one way or another, we end asking ourselves if what we are doing is good or have any worth.

Oh God! Is this the only way? Is this an universal truth? Have you felt that way in the beginning of everything You (and/or we) have done? Scriptures says "Don't kill", but in those same Scriptures there have been several murders at great scale in Your Name.

Do we need to live and cope with that double moral everytime? Well, my (temporal) conclusion about this topic is similar to another one I extracted from a special chapter I read from a C++ pdf: "Analyze all good things you can do if you act that way, and use it to sugar-coat all those prejudices."